It has been observed a number of times that when a whole family “returns” to the passport country it has been the youngest child, especially if he or she is of school age, who has had the hardest time during re-entry. Why should this be? Often the reasons are linked to the fact that the need for re-entry was caused by the eldest child reaching the end of on-field schooling and their need to return for senior school years or further/higher education.

1. The older children have often reached the logical end of their overseas schooling.They have graduated or completed IGCSEs or IB etc., whereas the younger child has not, and is left to imagine what could have been.

2. The older child may well have outgrown the pleasures of the overseas lifestyle, and may have felt restricted by lack of freedom in the school setting they left behind or cultural restrictions (especially on older girls). The younger child was still in the secure and often child-friendly environment.

3. Some schools focus much more attention on the needs of the older children, in terms of graduation or final exams and re-entry. Schools may well spend much more time on re-entry preparations with senior students and the presentations of certificates and/or diplomas at the end bring a greater sense of completion than for younger children who obviously leave part-way through the process of school education.

4. Younger children who have not had as much formal education are often closer to national friends, especially in villages or small towns. Older children may well have already grown apart to some extent by attending different schools.

5. The older children often move into a more mature sixth form, college or university environment, in the same way as they would have done on completing a phase of schooling in the “home” country. The younger child is faced with several years in what could be a large and intimidating high school. Additionally, the academic standards in many international schools are higher and children’s behaviour is better. The young child can be faced with boring lessons, repetition of work and the drag down caused by indiscipline. Not surprisingly, some of them don’t like school.

6. All of the reasons given may be compounded by a sense of resentment. “We came back because of you!” may be a thought in the child’s mind about the older sibling. They may even say it.

7. Although even very young children will feel a sense of loss, it does seem that it is especially difficult for children between 11 and 14. This is partly because of the age of the child coming through into early adolescence, but also partly due to the change over of the schools from primary/elementary to senior levels. These senior schools are much bigger and more impersonal and can represent an enormous jump in size and organisation from many smaller international schools. It is not unusual to move from a school of about 50 on roll to one of 1000+. This in itself can seem an overwhelming challenge to a child, even without the extra dimension of re-entry culture shock and the sense of loss at what has been left behind.

We need to pray for our children and remember the special considerations that our younger children have. If we understand their thoughts, fears and feelings and listen to them we can help them to make a better transition. On the positive side, we can encourage them to see the good things in their new situation. Spending time with them to give them an experience of the good features of their new home will help. We can let them know that we don’t see their elder brother or sister’s needs as any more important than their own, just that they follow on a few years after the older one. Explain their situation to their new school teachers too, who may not have been told by the school’s administrators who the new child in their class is.

Ensure that the older siblings understand their younger brother or sister. They can easily cause upset by making careless remarks about having had “enough” of the past school or country. They may express surprise that their younger sibling can’t settle as well as they can.

If the international school doesn’t do much to mark the end of the child’s time with them, then lobby them to change the policy. Ignoring or not doing enough for the younger children, whilst celebrating the the graduation or completion of exams for the older ones, is an approach to be challenged. One practical measure would be to introduce the school to the “Going Home” CD and book that can be printed from it and handed from the school to the child. If the school still does little or nothing, then ensure yourselves that their time in the school is celebrated. Parents can work through “Going Home” with them themselves. The younger children need to know that they will be allowed to work through their leaving experience in order to properly complete their time and prepare for re-entry and the next stage of their life experience.

 

Educare September 2005
This article is kindly offered by Educare, a newsletter 
covering major TCK issues published by EUROTCK. 
Educare is published 4 times a year (Jan, March, June, Sept) 
and covers a wide range of third culture issues from preparation of 
children for cross-cultural living to re-entry to the passport 
country, boarding to home schooling and much more. 
It is available free of charge on request from Eurotck.net.